so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
