I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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