I can tuck mytits in my pants
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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