There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
