im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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