i need an iv and a liver transplant
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
