just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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