What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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