I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
