in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
