i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize