Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
