dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
