i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
