just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
My feet surprised me
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