Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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