I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
