i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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