Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
