I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
