I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
