R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
