My friends, they love my intelligence
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
