The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
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