OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
