that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
