I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
