I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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