bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Randomize
