I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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