Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
