oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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