I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
