i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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