No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
as a side note pls kill me
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
