True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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