is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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