I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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