he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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