and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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