You're a womanizer and a bitch.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
