I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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