I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Randomize
