I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I deserve this hangover.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
