you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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