i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
