i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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