i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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