It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
