this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
