My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
