After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
