the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
