I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize