I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
