Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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