I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
