I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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