try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
