her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
