Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
