whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
