The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
