so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
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