My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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