Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
