Dude my mom stole all your condoms
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
